She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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