I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
