went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
did i just pee glitter
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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