I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
