i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize