Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
