I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
