Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
