She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
pray to the hookup gods
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
