booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize