Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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