how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
