THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
