i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
