I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
