I think I died a long time ago.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
