My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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