Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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