I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
