Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
