i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
