He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
