Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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