I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
