eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
