I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
