Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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