i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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