it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Let's get the cat blown out
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize