So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
