Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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