It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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