Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
