i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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