you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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