I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
