I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
