dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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