he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
