i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
