Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
