Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
