i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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