Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
