Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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