Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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