Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
