She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
