mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
