Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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