At least make sure they are 18
Why
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
