you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
