I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
