I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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