TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
