I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
