So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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