When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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