Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
