I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize