I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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