I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it's like heaven, but drunker
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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