She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
