Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
3 2 1 whiskey
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
