Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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