as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize