shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He felt like a one man threesome
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
