i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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