Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
