Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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