"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
