You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
