the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize