Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize