I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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