im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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