Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
