We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
