Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
