this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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