mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
