Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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