Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize