Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
