Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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