You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
