If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
