I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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