susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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