I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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