can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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