His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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