Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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