The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
