ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
