Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
