"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
