he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize